What If , Peki ya....

What if,

He was calling instead of being scared (then). 
(maybe he was right ...)

What if ,

We were going to meet the next day,instead of  being scared (then)

What if,

I was actually taken  an action,instead of being scared and waiting...

Sometimes,

Specially right before sleeping, between awake and sleep mood,something really tiny between these two,
I feel like i can just open a tiny window or curtain ; feels like i am flowing  into this alternate version and i see;i feel what is like, then the rest  feels like an illusion... i am feeling so lighted,and actually happy ...
(No i am not hight or i wasn't  :))

Then we are there as well... 

Maybe  whole life is an illusion with our choices,choices seems like we can not change but actually  we can,still not believing to so ...

I am actually there,still living in that lovely night and you are still so lovable ...

I like to  be lost into this illusion-reality sometimes.

Don't bother me but try to do the same ...

Ya korkup kacmak yerine ( o zaman) arasaydi.

(Belki de hakliydi... ) 

Ya ertesi gun bulussaydik ,korkup kacmak yerine.

Peki ya ben,korkmak ya da beklemek yerine,adim atsaydim...

Bazen,

Ozellikle de uyumadan once,uyku ile uyaniklik arasinda,bu ikisinin arasindaki incecik cizgide,

Ufacik bir pencere ya da perde aciyormus gibi hissediyorum ;  alternatif bir versiyon goruyormus gibi hissediyorum;gercekten oluyormus ,icindeymis gibi hissediyorum ve ardimdaki hersey sanki bir iluzyon,hayal gibi geliyor... 

hayli hafiflemis hatta mutlu hissediyorum...

(herhangi bir uyusturucu ya da ona benzer birseyin etkisinde degilim,kullanmiyorum da :))

Belki de hayatin tumu, secimlerimizin bir iluzyonu,degistiremeyecegimize inandigimiz ama aslinda degistirebilecegimiz secimler , ama hala mumkun gormedigimiz...

Aslinda hala oradayim,hala o guzelim gecede,aksamda yasiyorum ve sen hala oyle sevilesin ki...

Bazen bu iluzyonvari gercekte kaybolmayi seviyorum.

Beni rahatsız etmeyin ama aynisini bir deneyin...

jean paul Sartre...

Hayat üç bölümdür:   Dünyayı değiştireceğini sandığın, dünyanın değişmeyeceğine  inandığın ve dünyanın seni değiştirdiğine emin olduğun.

Şu şekilde adapte edebilirim: Evlilik hayatı üç bölümdür : O'nun değişeceğini sandığın,o'nun değişmeyeceğine inandığın ve "değiştirmeye çalışmakla ya da değişeceğini sanmakla aptallık ettiğine " emin olduğun.

Life  consisting of  three parts : You think you can the World, you believe that the World won't be change and  you are sure that the World can change you.

Now,i can adapt this into marriage : Marriage consisting of three parts : You think that he will change one day,you believe that he won't change and you are sure  that it was a total stupidity to believe you could change him or you tried to change him.

Hold my hand

En son kesfim ... gerci piyasada yeni degil ama ben yeni kesfettim.
My latest discover so far... he is not really new around but i just discovered.

Nice one !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haw11mlWMik

How i wish you were here,

Guzel gecen bir gecenin ardindan, tarih dikkatinizi ceker
 ve
birden gozleriniz dolar,
bogazinizda birseyler bogum bogum olup bogrunuzu aciyla kasar,
Sag gozunuzden uc,
Sol gozunuzden bir damla yas duser...

Evet,cok arabeskvari gelebilir ama babanizi kaybetmenizin acisi kelimelerle ifade edilemeyecegi icin,boylesine kuru bir betimleme sadece alt yazi gibi duygusuz gelecektir.

Dogum gunun kutlu olsun Baba'cigim,
Geri gelmeyecegini bilsem de,seni ozlemeye son veremiyorum...

After a lovely night, the date will take your attention,
and
Your eyes will be tearful,
You feel  that the pain actually hurts your throat and your ilium,because of holding yourself,
Maybe three drop of tears from the right and one drop of tear from the left one,

Yeah, it may sound a bit shallow the way i am trying to describe but there is no such an a word can actually explain the pain of losing your dad,therefore ;this kind of dusty depiction can look like a subtitles with no feeling.

Happy Birthday Daddy,
Even if i know that you won't come back,i can not stop missing you...

Uzun zaman olmus yazmayali !

Benim okulum,oglanin okulu derken ,arada kaynadi  gitti blog.

Yaklasik bir senedir,ölüm cezasiyla yuzlesmis ve haksiz yere ömür boyu hapis cezasi alan, henuz cok genc (23) bir mahkuma her iki ayda bir mektup yaziyorum,o da yanitliyor mektuplarimi.

Her ne kadar onyargili yaklassakta,hapiste yatan insanlarin,hangi sartlar altinda nelerle karsi karsiya kaldigini bir dusunmek lazim.Yalniz,bahsini ettigim duruma ; seri katiller,cocuk istismari ve tecavuzculer dahil degil !

Yani,dusunsenize kendilerini nasil yalniz hissettiklerini,hatalariyla nasil vicdan azabi cekip bogustuklarini...
 Tamam, "hapiste yatmanin amaci bu zaten diyeceksiniz " e dogru!

Ama sansiniz varsa bir mahkuma mektup yazip,olaylara bir de onun acisindan bakin derim.
Hem insan psikolojisini anlamak acisindan,hem de belli mi olur,topluma yeniden kazandirmaniz acisindan faydali bile olabilir.
Yine,bahsini ettigim kategoriye,size ask mektubu yazan mahkumlar dahil degil  :))
Olabilir tabi de,benim bahsini ettigim o degil  :P

Ozel yasantimda hersey cok ama cok guzel,dip not olarak geceyim dedim ; )

Asagidaki parca,sevgili arkadasim Scott'a gelsin,
Dilegim,birgun sucsuzlugunun anlasilmasi ve yine ozgur olup,hayatina kaldigi yerden guzel sevgilisiyle devam etmesi !

  Egeli olmasam da,hem yemeklerini hem danslarını,hem muziklerini (ve de insanlarini tabiki) gerçekten çok severim.
Buna istinaden bir iki örnek ile duygularımızı pekiştirelim.  :)

Rose Tattoo

Gül ü hic bu kadar sevmemistim,

Iyi ki Güllü bir dövmem var :))

Canim tabiki sadece bundan dolayi degil,anlamindan dolayi (Bknz ; Dropkick Murphys kimi,kimleri destekler).

I never loved the rose as much as i do now,
I am glad that i have a tattoo with a Rose  :))

Of course,not only because of  "having tattoo" but also meaning of the song (see; Whom Dropkick Murphys members are  supporting ).

The pictures tell the story

This life has many shades
I’d wake up every morning and before I’d start each day
I’d take a drag from last nights cigarette
That smoldered in it’s tray
Down a little something and then be on my way

I traveled far and wide
And laid this head in many ports
I was guided by a compass
I saw beauty to the north
I drew the tales of many lives
And wore the faces of my own
I had these memories all around me
So I wouldn’t be alone

Some may be from showing up
Others are from growing up
Sometimes I was so messed up and didn’t have a clue
I ain’t winning no one over
I wear it just for you
I’ve got your name written here
In a rose tattoo

In a rose tattoo
In a rose tattoo
I’ve got your name written here
In a rose tattoo

This ones for the mighty sea
Mischief, gold and piracy
This ones for the man that raised me
Taught me sacrifice and bravery
This ones for our favorite game
Black and gold, we wave the flag
This ones for my family name
With pride I wear it to the grave

Some may be from showing up
Others are from growing up
Sometimes I was so messed up and didn’t have a clue
I ain't winning no one over
I wear it just for you
I’ve got your name written here
In a rose tattoo

In a rose tattoo
In a rose tattoo
I’ve got your name written here,
In a rose tattoo
In a rose tattoo
In a rose tattoo
I’ve got your name written here
In a rose tattoo

This one means the most to me
Stays here for eternity
A ship that always stays the course
An anchor for my every choice
A rose that shines down from above
I signed and sealed these words in blood
I heard them once, sung in a song
It played again and we sang along

You’ll always be there with me
Even if you’re gone
You’ll always have my love
Our memory will live on

Some may be from showing up
Others are from growing up
Sometimes I was so messed up and didn’t have a clue
I ain't winning no one over
I wear it just for you
I’ve got your name written here

In a rose tattoo

In a rose tattoo
In a rose tattoo
I’ve got your name written here,
In a rose tattoo
In a rose tattoo
In a rose tattoo
With pride I’ll wear it to the grave for you
In a rose tattoo
In a rose tattoo
I’ve got your name written here,
In a rose tattoo
In a rose tattoo
In a rose tattoo
Signed and sealed in blood I would die for you