Daha tasinali iki ay oldu ama ben simdiden baska bir ulkenin hayalini kurmaya basladim.Kendimi bir yere ait hissetmiyorum.Benim gibi domestik !? bir Boga'nin kendini bir yere ait hissetmesi bir ihtiyactan cok,bir zorunluluk.
Bunun uzerine cok kafa yormustum daha once.Nerede yasamimi surdurmeliyim hatta nerede yasliligimi gecirecegim. Kulaga garip ya da komik gelebilir ama gercek :)
New York'u ozluyorum ama cocugumu orada buyutmek istemem.Milano'ya asla donmem.Istanbul'da da yasamayam artik.Almanya zaten opsiyon bile degil.
Henuz yasamadigim heryer cazip geliyor su anda ama eminim bu yerlerde de huzur bulamayacagim. :)
Surekli seyahat eden bir arkadasima "Kendini nereye ait hissettigini" sormustum. Tatli bir gulumseme ile "Hicbiryere.." dedi. Kafam karismisti,imkansiz bir duygu gibi geldi bana "Ama bir yerlerde bir evin olmali,nereye gidersen git,donebilecegin bir evin (aslinda bunu soylerken 80 cift ayakkabimi ve duzinelerce elbisemi dusunmustum,itiraf ediyorum !)" Bana bakti ve su yaniti verdi "Ev mi ? ben kendime aitim,neden donecek bir yere ihtiyacim olsun"
O zaman alayci bir sekilde gulmustum ama sanirim hakliydi: illa kendimizi bir yere ait hissetmek zorunda degiliz,eger oyle hissedeceksekte, bunun, bir ev veya bir ulke olmasina gerek yok.Hayatimizda takip edecegimiz patikayi bildigimiz surece.
Bilmem anlatabildim mi...
A cold Antwerp night (What a surprise !)
It has been only two months since i moved here but i already started to dream of another country. I don't feel like belonging to anywhere. "Belonging somewhere " is a "must" more than a need for a Domestic !? Taurus like me .
I used to think about it a lot before;Where should i live or where should i get old?
I know it sounds bizarre or funny but thats true :)
I miss NYC but i wouldn't raise my kid there.I would never go back to Milan.I can not live in Istanbul either.Germany isn't even an option.Anywhere that i haven't live before,is enticing for me right now but i am sure that i won't find the peace in these places (places i haven't live yet).
I asked to a friend of mine who is traveling (living)around very often "Where do you feel like you belong" he said "no where " with a sweet smile. I got confused,it seemed like impossible to feel this way, so i said "Yeah but you must have a place somewhere,a place that you can go back wherever you go (well,i actually thought about my 80 pairs of shoes and dozen of dresses when i said that,i confess!)
He looked at me and said " a place to come back? i belong to myself,why should i need a place "
I smiled ironically but i think he was right : in any case we don't need to feel like we must belong somewhere.Even if we feel this way,it doesn't have to be a place or a country, as long as we know what is our path in our life.
Dört duvar arasına kapanmaz ki
Sendeki özgür ruh
Ölünce parçalanmaz ki
Bendeki özgür ruh
Sevişe sevişe azalmaz ki
Tendeki özgür ruh
Kopyalayarak çoğalmaz ki
Gendeki özgür ruh
Can not be captured into four walls (into a room)
free spirit you have
Can not be destroyed when death arrives
free spirit i have
Can not be decreased by making love
free spirit on skin
Can not be reproduced by copying
free spirits in genes
